I feel like I am in a new phase of my life.  It’s not that I’ve celebrated a significant birthday or changed jobs, I just feel like things are settling in and it feels good.  Sometimes you have to let go of relationships that drain you and when you do,  you realize that you are truly lighter than before and that is exactly what I have done…let go of a relationship that drained me and got in the way of many things in my life.  I find that I have allowed myself to meet other people and develop friendships with my whole heart.  There were friendships that were right in front of me that I was completely missing out on!  I am also allowing myself to open up to more people.  As the wife of a pastor I tend to keep myself closed off.  I don’t have to do that anymore.  I just need to keep my eyes open and allow myself to be authentic, and not too vulnerable.

The funny thing is that with this revelation of my life shifting gears, I am not doing well physically.  I’ve been in pain for two years and at this point my pain is in high gear 90% of the time.  The great news is that I will be having surgery next month on my neck and the chance of my pain being relieved is extremely good.  I never thought I would be excited about surgery on my neck J

I have rekindled my love of scrapbooking and crafts and am writing on a more regular basis.  I am also playing my oboe in preparation for Easter.  The things that bring me happiness are back in my life.  My passion for life is back.  And one thing is for definite sure…God has never left me.

• When I am in the middle of my depression, God is with me.
• When I am trying to make sense of a bad relationship, God is with me.
• When I am in the middle of horrible, physical pain, God is with me.

Beloved, we all have times in our lives when we forget about God’s presence.  We may feel farther away from Him than we ever have, but He feels for us the way we feel about our own children.  I’ve told my 19 year old, Julian, that no matter how bad of a choice he makes, I will love him.  I may not like what he does, but I love him and would give my life for him without hesitation.

That is how our God feels about each and every one of us.

My mom has been gone for almost 20 years and my dad for 8,  and not having a parent affects me as an adult.  Sometimes I am overwhelmed when I realize that I am not anyone’s “little girl” anymore.  But that is not true.  God loves me the way my mom and dad did!  I am a woman who is a sparkle in God’s eyes. He has joy when I am successful and sorrow for when I fail, but in all of those moments He has never left me.

As I move forward in the next “gear” of my life, I know I will struggle and feel sorrow, but I will also find happiness and joy.

Thank you, Father God, for leading me and loving me.

Today I Am Thankful For

1. New friends
2. An afternoon at the park
3. Tulips
4. Sweet grapes
5. A new project