I’ve been underwater for too long. The chains around my ankles have kept me tied to the bottom of the ocean where it is cold and dark. No matter how hard I try, my limbs just can’t move and breaking free is impossible. Yesterday, I was finally able to push my way up to the surface. It was that feeling when your lungs burn because you swallow water and your body is fighting to breathe.
What people don’t understand about depression is that at its worst, it is painful. Physically painful. I have been living with chronic pain, but this pain is different. It’s as if your limbs have been filled with lead. Every movement takes all of the energy you can muster to get from point A to point B. Going though the grocery store may as well be a marathon. When I finish, I come home exhausted.
I’ve had a few speaking engagements during this darkness and I always manage to travel, engage with people and present without a problem. Those people would never have a clue how I was truly feeling. I am definitely grateful for those engagements. They give me something to look forward to, knowing that cancelling is not an option.
Fortunately the worst has passed and things look brighter. I am looking forward to the summer with my eleven-year old, working on a writing project on a regular basis and reconnecting with people around me. I’ve been lying really low and am glad that I am at the surface again.
I do admit that while I am above water, I still feel those chains on my ankles. This bout of depression is not completely over, but at least I am seeing daylight.
Today I Am Thankful For:
With God’s help, you can do it!