When the season of Advent arrives, I am flooded with memories that warm my heart. And most of these memories are sparked by music. When I was a freshman at Houston Baptist University, I began playing in the orchestra at First Baptist Church of Houston. Every Christmas the church produced a holiday extravaganza that was fondly referred to as “Pageant.” Gerald Ray, the music director, was the mastermind of this production and it was not your typical church pageant. It was spectacular. Camels and horses, professional costumes, a full orchestra, and a 200 plus member choir. Figure skaters, alphorns, and horse drawn carriages were the norm (yes, in the sanctuary). Thirteen shows in the span of two weeks, and yes, I even played “antiphonal” oboe one year! The orchestra was a family. We were comprised of musicians who played weekly Wednesday night rehearsals and Sunday morning services and at Christmas the guest musicians that came in were mostly the same each year. I played in that orchestra for twenty years. That is a lot of memories and friendships.
Most musicians who play freelance gigs are always busy during Christmas and for two years after I moved to New Mexico I flew back to Houston for Pageant. When I finally realized that my season of playing for FBC was over and I did not return, my playing the oboe during Christmas was simply for my church. Then slowly I began to play less and less. Hemophilia took over my life; not only was I working in the healthcare industry helping to care for people with bleeding disorders, but my home life with two sons living with hemophilia became intense as my youngest, Caeleb, began to have complications. I was no longer a musician, but I became a person who used to be a musician.
I do not regret anything regrading my change in career and decision to not travel to play at Christmas, yet I look back at those times and realize that an especially important part of my life died. When I let go of music, I moved on and part of my heart stopped beating. It took me years to realize that I needed that piece of my heart to function.
Here I am, as the wife of the pastor, at a church who knows that I have a musical gift and they are not letting me stay silent! Praise be to God! I am continuing to find my musical “voice” again and my heart is happy. I am working on getting my chops back into shape and it will take some time.
I know that my time away from music was well spent as I focused on Caeleb’s medical needs and found time to answer my calling to ministry. So here I am, finding the time to incorporate my first love back into my life.
I can officially say that I have found something good in 2020.
Today I Am Thankful For:
- Dried edamame
- Christmas break
- A full freezer
- A completed quilt top
- Material coming in the mail
