My “Christian” has been in the hospital for a week recovering from a very serious knee bleed. This morning I was able to get away and attend a nearby church service while Christian was resting. I sat down in the sanctuary and felt so incredibly alone. Remember, I am the wife of a pastor so Sunday mornings are filled with meeting and greeting and visiting and laughing.
I felt like I was invisible and I sure needed someone to “see” me. That’s when I started looking around at the people near me. Each one of them has a story. Just because they look all “put together” on the outside does not mean that they have it all together.
I was a perfect example this morning. I had the appropriate clothing on for church (even my lipstick) and the only thing that may have “given me away” was the hospital bracelet I was wearing. I looked as normal as the next person.
No one around me knew I had been up at all hours of the night earlier this week hearing my son scream in pain. Or that I have been running back and forth from the hospital to home trying to keep things as normal as possible for my older son. No one knew the level of my stress and the unanswered “what-ifs” that were swirling in my mind.
I almost left before the service started but I stayed. I stayed because I needed to be connected and in the presence of other believers. I walked up to receive communion, went to pray at the altar and the tears flowed.
God was with me. He always is. It’s when I get in the midst of having to be a caregiver on high alert that I start to think that I can do everything on my own. He has never left me and is always with my son. Through those nights of pain, God is holding my Christian tight, loving him. During the bleeds when my son cannot walk, God is holding his hand. And when those times come and I cannot think of what to do next for my son, God reassures me, loves me and gives me the strength to take the next step in my decision making.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9-11
Today I Am Thankful For:
- Compassionate nurses
- Chocolate ice cream
- Thoughtful visits from friends
- Snacks
- Beads of Courage
