Over the past couple of months, my depression has been rearing its ugly head. The blessing of it all is that I feel it happening. It’s like I can step out of my body and see physically and emotionally what is happening to my body and mind. I had a planned trip to Houston and extended my stay so that I could see my psychiatrist and therapist.
It was time well spent. My anxiety levels were so high so for long that I felt as if my heart would come out of my body. If you have never experienced anxiety and think people “make it up,” it is indeed, very real. It’s almost as if you feel like a heart attack is coming on.
After a wonderful session with my therapist, the anxiety subsided. I then saw my psychiatrist and he proceeded to start some changes in my medications. It has been long overdue.
Depression is real. I have seen it coming this time, and have been scared to death to fall down into my pit. The bottom of my deepest, darkest depression is like being in a deep, cold, slimy, stony pit. You can’t see daylight, you have nothing to grab onto to get out and it is very cold. I stay cold eventhough it’s as if a heavy, cold quilt is covering me.
The crazy thing for me, is that I can still function. I can get the kids off to school and I can work, but my heart and mind and soul are not all there. I had started to see my work slipping, my household obligations slipping and my obligations to being there “completely” to my family slipping. I just am so thankful to God that He helped me see what was happening so that I could get the help I needed.
I didn’t sink all the way down into the pit this time, and I am slowly climbing out.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:1-2
