I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for many, many years. Since my early twenties if not in high school a bit. I have hit rock bottom once and fortunately have found myself out of that cold, dark, slimy pit of depression. I do admit that I sink back into the pit from time to time, but I can get myself out of it unlike many years ago when I needed a lot of help.
There are times when my depression is so intense that my limbs hurt and putting one step in front of the other is painful. It’s almost like I weigh 1,000 pounds! The crazy thing is that things in my life may be going along just fine, but depression hits in spite of what is happening in my life. It’s hard for people to understand if they are not affected.
Now anxiety is definitely another story. It’s not the same as depression at all. I have had panic attacks in the grocery store when I have been frozen in my tracks with a basket filled with food. Those are the times I would call my husband and he would talk to me and help me focus and calm down. I wish I could say I’ve never left a full basket in the middle of the store.
You may have heard that people say anxiety feels like you are having a heart attack. Surely they must be over exaggerating! They are not. I have had anxiety hit me to the point of going to the emergency room more than once, absolutely positive I was having a heart attack. And the panic that rises in your throat causes you to not breathe well. I felt like I was suffocating.
Fortunately this severe kind of anxiety has not visited me in quite some time, but here lately I am noticing some of the signs. I’m not sleeping well, my diet is awful, and I have a sense of worry and concern that I normally don’t carry around.
It’s funny how the thought of change coming on can bring back that old “frenemy” anxiety. A new boss, new job, loss of job, moving, financial strain, family issues, loss of members of your work family, a new baby, a diagnosis…..you name the kind of change you are about to make and anxiety loves to tag along.
I try desperately to hold on to hope. I’ve always said that I am a prisoner of hope, but even those of us with positive attitudes are not always in a great place.
It’s not always easy and some days are better than others, but I truly know that my hope is in the Lord.
“Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.” -Isaiah 41:10, 13 (MSG)
Today I Am Thankful For:
- Coinstar machines
- new fabric
- a sermon to prepare
- Hot air balloons
- Santa Fe Lavender
