I am weary. All of a sudden the impact of the virus has hit me. One of my dearest friends contracted the virus. Fortunately she is doing better, but it is scary. The election has caused me great anxiety. Despite our country having a President-Elect, the next weeks will bring great anxiety, stress, fear, and ugliness. My church is going well, but half-time hours are never truly “half-time.” Being the person who uploads and edits devotionals and worship services takes a lot of time, and I always fear that my offerings are not enough. My classes are coming to an end for the quarter with two very big projects that will consume my time over the next two weeks and a committee interview for my candidacy for ordination is looming. Along with helping my high school aged son begin a new six-week grading period, it is a time of being overwhelmed. There is just so much that I can take and now I feel myself almost at the end of my rope.
Tears are not a bad thing. Frustration is not a bad thing. Taking time to do something fun is not a bad thing, but when I forget who is in charge….that is a bad thing. You would think that a pastor would be a great example of a person who lives with Christ in their heart at all times. Pastors must be filled with the Holy Spirit, always shining Christ’s light, and have the knowledge that God holds them close always. But the truth is, pastors are human. I am human. I struggle and right now I am overwhelmed.
I worry about my friend who was recently diagnosed with Covid. I miss my son, Julian, who lives in Texas and works in an environment where most do not wear masks or social distance. He worries and does not want to bring the virus into my home, so I’ll probably not see him for Thanksgiving. My list could go on and on, but right now I need to lay it all down at the feet of the One who knows my heart…but not picking these things back up is the problem.
I have a feeling some of you reading may know exactly where I am coming from. We need to work harder at laying down our worries at the feet of Jesus. Turning back and picking up these things means we are not trusting completely. Why do we think we know better than the Creator? Well, we are human. I am going to do my best to lay down my worries, my struggles, my anxieties, my fear, and yes, my doubt. Will you try with me?
Today I Am Thankful For:
- a text of encouragement
- A Facebook group of amazing UM Clergywomen
- my husband for saving the day with my YouTube project
- finally getting the storage shed cleaned out
- the change of seasons with cold coming tomorrow
