Originally published by Bloodstream Media, October 22, 2021

I serve a small congregation as a United Methodist pastor. What most of those attending worship do not know is that I live with chronic pain. Every Sunday I wake up praying that my pain level will be manageable until I can get home. I have yet to miss a Sunday due to pain, and for this, I am extremely grateful. The rest of my week consists of one day of office hours and the remaining time spent in my home office. My position is part-time, so I have a great deal of flexibility. I am one of the lucky ones.

I have a job that is not typical as it allows for a great deal of freedom. I take frequent breaks from the computer, take a day off when my pain is high and make up for lost work the next day. It took me several months before I let the leadership of my church know about my chronic pain. I got to the point where working through my pain was not beneficial. Once I shared my condition with those around me, the stress of keeping silent fell away. It was a huge relief.

Not everyone is comfortable sharing their diagnosis. People are often afraid that once their pain diagnosis is public that they will not be treated like everyone else. It took me several years to work through that fear and I learned that advocating for myself, while not easy, is necessary. I quickly learned that when people knew about my limitations, they were able to help me be productive and successful without shame.

Self-awareness is key when living with chronic pain. I know that certain activities may cause increased pain so pacing myself before, during, and after my activities is key to keeping my pain under control. Despite my awareness, sometimes pain wins, but most of the time I can maintain control over my body.

It is scary to let others know about medical struggles. There is always fear of losing a job despite federal and state laws that prohibit retaliation based on a chronic illness. If I had to report to an office and work at a computer for hours or had to stand on my feet for long periods, my life would be very different. Pain management would become an even bigger part of my life with the increased toll on my body. Keeping pain to myself would not be possible.

On one hand I do not want to be treated differently. I want the quality of my work to be top-notch making me a valuable employee. On the other hand, I need people to understand my condition so that when I am struggling, I may have the ability to lean on others during those difficult times. There is no shame in raising a white flag on occasion.

Pain may dictate the activities of a day. Pain may even dictate the work we do in the world, but it is not what defines us.

We are more than our pain.

—