One year ago today, I had spinal decompression surgery. My arms and hands were numb, and my balance was off. The pain was unbearable, yet one day at a time, I managed to drive around Albuquerque to see my hospice patients. I couldn’t get home fast enough to shower and go to sleep. Surgery was the only answer.
Today, I can pass the sobriety test (putting one foot in front of the other without falling). The feeling in my arms is back, and the only fingers with numbness are my index fingers and thumbs. My X-rays indicate that everything is in place, and the neurosurgeon has cleared me.
Recovery was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. Looking back, I’m amazed that I made it. My men, Joe, Julian, and Caeleb, were my pillars, helping me physically and emotionally. My Emmaus Sisters prayed and lifted me. My church, my family, my friends — and God held me close. Their unwavering support was my strength.
In honor of my “surgeaversary,” I got a tattoo. Not only is it pretty, but it also holds significant meaning.
The lotus flower blooms above the water, its beauty overwhelming. But what’s truly inspiring is its origin. It grows from the muck and the mire, in the slime, mixed with the filth from fishy creatures. Yet, it rises above all this, a symbol of resilience and beauty.
The pain I endured put me in a place of darkness. But God did not let me stay in the pit. The path to healing became one of beauty, as I am living life with less pain than I’ve had in years. The lotus, a symbol of rebirth and beauty, holds a deep significance not only in my journey with chronic pain, but also in my work/calling.
I experience death daily. Sitting at the bedside of the dying and comforting their families is where God has led me. Through the worst time of a person’s life, I am there to provide a sacred presence and offer prayer and reassurance. God is there. Loss and grief are devastating, yet when a person “goes home” and is no longer suffering, there is beauty in their release from pain.
This symbol will stay with me the rest of my life. I will wear it proudly as my journey and calling have filled me in unimaginable ways. God led me to the magnificent, and for this I give thanks.
He lifted me out of the pit of death, out of the mud and filth, and set my feet on solid rock. He steadied my legs. Psalm 40:2 (CEB)
