I am really good at beating myself up (not physically). If there was an Olympic sport for abusing oneself with doubt and criticism I would be a gold medalist.
When it comes to building others up and motivating people to do their best at work or to find depth in their spiritual life…I am your gal…but doing it for myself is not as easy.
It was time for my annual evaluation. I lost some sleep over it (like that was going to do anything positive) and prepared myself for being “average”. Yes, it’s been an extremely difficult year with my son’s health issues so I had already talked myself into “average” being acceptable.
I received a higher rating.
My supervisor was extremely complimentary, told me I improved several things from the year before and as she was showering me with this amazing praise for my work and the passion I bring to our team, the voice in my head was wanting her to stop. It was too much to take in. I felt like I was not deserving. I was so busy focusing on what I had not done or could have done better that I forgot to look at what I had achieved.
The enemy grabbed hold of me and wouldn’t let go. He sneaks in when doubt is running through every part of my being. What the enemy doesn’t realize is that Almighty God, the Alpha and Omega, the One who knows every hair on my head has a grip on me tighter than the enemy ever could and has never let go.
When I am busy criticizing myself and thinking about the things I have not accomplished, God is with me through all of that crazy talk. He hears me and hurts that I feel the way that I do sometimes. It’s not that it’s hard to “practice what you preach” in regards to how you live, but encouraging yourself and accepting the truth of the enormity of God’s love to yourself is almost too much.
God is with me. God loves me. I am enough.
And so are you.
Today I Am Thankful For:
- new music
- raindrops
- adrenaline
- wax tarts (“Sunflower”)
- out to dinner on a Tuesday evening
