I have lived half of my life without my mom. This is hard to believe. Yet, I remember the night she died as if it happened only moments ago. She was sitting in the hospital bed and asked me not to forget to bring her “yo-yos” tomorrow. She wanted to sew her little creations as she waited for the doctors to continue watching her and running tests. “Okay, mama, I won’t forget.” I was the last family member to see her and hug her.

The phone rang at 1:30 a.m. the following day, and I shot out of bed. “I’m sorry, Ms. Campos, but your mother has passed away.” I threw the phone across the room, and my husband grabbed the phone. This can’t be happening. She was doing better. What am I going to do without her?

My first-born son, my precious Julian, lay asleep in his bassinet, only five weeks old. He would never experience the touch of my Mama’s hand, the taste of her cooking, the wonder of snacks and surprises in her purse, and the love that only a grandmother can give a child.

There was so much I had yet to learn from my mom.

When she held Julian on his second day in the world, she looked at him, and her eyes widened. Then, she looked up at me and, in a whisper, said, “He looks like Ronnie.” My older brother, Ronnie, died after only five days. Mom and Dad did not speak about him. I can’t imagine the pain they went through after his death. But, I know the moment she held Julian, she connected again with her beloved Ronnie.

Twenty-six years have passed since my Mama left this world. To say I have lived a lifetime since her death is an understatement.

She was not here to see my sweet Julian grow into the fantastic musician he is, singing with a passion like no other. She was not here to see my amazing Caeleb come into the world after years of Joe and I trying and giving up on having a second child. And those years that Caeleb was so incredibly sick, suffering from hemophilia and inhibitor complications, I needed her.

My faith tells me that while my mother left this physical world, her presence is still with me. With my whole heart, I believe that having her here would have been much better. But Mama’s health was declining, and I never wanted to see her suffer.

Those moments when Julian endured continued harassment by bullies, my mom was with me as I fought for my son’s safety. During the endless nights in the hospital, sitting by Caeleb’s side as he screamed in pain, my mom was with me, giving me the strength I needed when I thought he would never get better.

God works in mysterious ways. The Creator loves us, and I believe He uses people to do His work. Sometimes it is the memory of our loved ones that get us through the difficult times because God wants to meet us where we are amid our despair.

The love that my mom gave me was all that I ever needed. We were becoming friends, and I looked forward to raising my children with her influence and love. I missed out on so much, but the lessons she taught me have stayed with me, and I pass them along the best I can to my sons.

Lydia Campos was an amazing woman. I am so glad to be her daughter. Words cannot express how much I miss her. I would give anything to hear her voice and feel the touch of her hand one more time.

Until we meet again, Mama. I love you.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. Pork chops in a cast iron skillet
2. House dresses that need to be replaced
3. A twenty-dollar bill in a bank envelope at the bottom of a purse
4. Kleenex in pockets
5. Minnie and Ruby for stepping in for Mama.