I am leading a women’s retreat next month in Colorado and I have been struggling with my sessions. I am creating a new set of messages that are loosely based on a presentation I give for the bleeding disorder community, “From Doubt to Joy”. I initially thought it would be a no-brainer. I have tons to say on this subject and weaving in the elements of my faith would be a great way to bring this topic to a new level.

But I’ve been having a lot of trouble with it. I’ve rewritten and rewritten and rewritten to the point of starting completely over. Why am I having such trouble with this? I am an expert in moving from doubt to joy and hope. How hard can this be?

I’m realizing that doubt is something that has always been embedded in me. I am a perfectionist so I come by the doubt thing easily. I like things a certain way, I have high standards of cleaning, and cooking and keeping my home…you get it. But I’ve worked so hard over the years to move out of the doubt that can often consume me. I learned how to do it by having a very, sick child.

Working through this retreat has brought up some things that I’ve not thought about in quite a while. And it has also reminded me about something I am about to do…go back to school. Time is moving along and September is almost here. That means I am about to start school. I keep saying it to myself and really can’t believe I am going.

When we do the things that God call us to do, it’s funny how doubt (aka “the enemy”) creeps back into our heart. It’ almost as if doubt knows that good is about to happen and if he doesn’t act soon, that “good” will spread into the world. Maybe it’s just “good” for your family or even yourself, but doubt wants to stop  it from happening and make you second guess yourself.

I am reclaiming some things today and not letting doubt get the best of me. It’s not always easy and sometimes I have to think about not letting doubt creep into my heart several times in a day, but it’s worth it when I am doing the things I’ve been called to do.

Today I Am Thankful For:

A gloomy day

leftover pot roast

A new Yankee candle

Watermelon

Rearranged furniture