It is overwhelming when I think about the life I created since my mother died in 1996. Honestly, I felt like my life only began five weeks before she passed away with the birth of my first son. It is sometimes painful to think about what I have experienced without her.
Mom missed the birth of my second son, the one I never thought I would have. She missed loving on my sons. Oh, how I needed her during the darkest days of my youngest son’s struggles with hemophilia and an inhibitor. My boys never even heard her voice. My oldest son knew she held him and had pictures to prove it, but he doesn’t remember the touch of her hands or the smell of her perfume.
I love telling my boys stories about Mom. In the moments we share, she is back in the room with us. I can feel her presence. Yet, something has surprised me in the years she has been gone—something I never fully understood until recently.
As a pastor, the best part of my calling (I don’t like to say “job”) is when I sit and listen to the older members of my congregation. Loving them and providing spiritual care and guidance is what makes me happiest. When I hold a hand or receive a hug, I feel closer to both my mom and dad. These are the moments that fill my heart and soul.
Over twenty-five years have passed since she died. Yet, there are still times when I feel compelled to pick up the phone to call her and chat. She would be the one to help me through my depression and anxiety because she knew the struggle personally. She would be my biggest cheerleader while working on my master’s degree and changing careers. And she would love my sons like no one else. So, while these years have had their share of grief, I am grateful for someone who filled her shoes.
My mom’s best friend, Minnie, is the woman who continues to save me from myself. When life seems to be too much, she is the one who dishes out a healthy dose of perspective. I can text Minnie when I need prayers, and I know she raises my concerns to heaven on my behalf. And if I need a story about my mom and dad, Minnie always has one to share.
Mother’s Day is not just about our biological or adopted moms. It is about all the women in our lives who have impacted who we have become. My mother-in-law, Ruby, was another woman who stepped in as a mother figure. Unfortunately, she is also gone, but my memories of her and the love she gave my children are indescribable.
I hope that my children will feel my love for them and understand how these amazing women loved me.
Sometimes we find mothers in places we never dreamed of. We adopt people into our families by choice when they come into our lives. My family by choice has been tremendous, and I know my mom would be happy that loving women surround me.
May God’s blessings be with you this day as you celebrate the women in your life.
Today I Am Thankful For:
- Lydia Cano Campos
- Ruby Jane Jensen
- Minnie Lopez
- my sons, Julian and Caeleb
