One of the things that makes me happy is to create. My first love is making music. I have a few new oboe reeds that make playing so much fun. I am also a quilter. I learned to sew a few years ago and enjoy cutting fabric and creating beautiful things (despite some wonky stitches).

The past two weeks have been filled with creating. I have been making time to create more than usual. I even tried something new and found that I love making fabric rope and baskets. My need to create is overwhelming and I now realize why.

Twenty-five years ago today my mom passed away. I have lived almost half of my life without her. I was the family member who received the phone call in the wee hours of the morning telling me that my mom had a massive heart attack in the hospital. She was being treated for an infection and her heart gave out. The night before she died, I gave her a hug and a kiss and the last thing she told me was to not forget her yo-yo’s.

My first son was only five weeks old. I could not imagine how I would survive without her. I had so much to learn, so much to ask. I have so much that I wish I knew.

It’s funny how the body holds on to grief. My overwhelming urge to create over the past two weeks was my body reminding me about the anniversary of my mom’s death. When I create, I feel close to her, so it makes perfect sense that I have this need at this time.

My mom was never afraid to try things. She wanted to make a baby quilt for my son and didn’t know where to start so she enlisted her best friend (my other mom) to help her. She created a little red, white, and blue masterpiece with bears. I treasure this quilt. Both of my boys came home from the hospital, wrapped in her creation. I see it every time I walk into my quilting space.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t think of my mom more often. But she is always with me. Each time I admire a piece of my work either from under my needle or in my cast iron skillet, the lessons I learned from my mom shine through. When I say to my family, “I’m not sure how this is going to turn out….,” they immediately say, “Then it’s going to be amazing.” This was exactly how my mom operated.

I wish my mom lived to see my sons. She would have adored them, and they her. Even though she was not physically part of their lives, I like to think that maybe she was, through me.

For those who still have their moms, I’ll admit I am envious. Love her, call her, listen to her. Don’t get exasperated when you need to run an errand or help her. Some, like me, have lived most of their adult lives without their mom.  I would give anything to have one more hug. To hear her call me Sandy…to know she was proud of what I am doing in the world.

Today I Am Thankful For:

1. the people of St. Paul’s UMC
2. a big, fresh peach
3. sunflowers
4. air conditioners
5. an upcoming retreat