I am having nightmares and they are pretty bizarre. I sometimes wake up with my heart racing, yet I am unable to remember the specifics of my dream. Many of my nightmares are extremely violent. This is not normal for me and when I spoke to my therapist about my dreams, she told me that considering everything going on in my life, it is understandable.
Not only am I preparing my family to move back to New Mexico, I am wrapping up my final quarter for the school year, am in the beginning stages of starting a non-profit with a good friend, and will start my new appointment as pastor of St. Paul’s UMC in Socorro, New Mexico on July 1st. I can’t ever only have one thing going on. All these life events are stressful and filled with change, so it’s no wonder I am having crazy dreams. But the violence is unnerving.
During our COVID-19 world, even if we feel as if we are unaffected, the pressure of a quarantine lifestyle still manages to disturb us. Psychologists are writing about the impact living during a pandemic has on our psyche. It makes sense. I find that my mind is rooting through my memories of painful incidents in my past and playing with my head. I know they are just dreams, but they still are bothersome. But last night I had a dream that warmed my heart.
It was one of those dreams that when you wake up you have a difficult time knowing if you were dreaming or if what happened was reality. I remember being surrounded by my high school friends. I don’t know what we were doing, but I felt loved, just like the days we spent together at GPHS. Then there was a neighbor whose son had hemophilia, and they called me to help him. I ran to the high school to find the nurse but called the nurse at the hospital with no luck. I finally reached 911. Shortly after returning to my friend, a Life Flight helicopter came to transport her son down the street to the hospital. After they left, I was with my high school friends and we were waiting on our families to pick us up. I turned and there he was…my Dad. He was dressed in his dark slacks, crisp, white shirt, skinny red tie, and tweed sports coat. But the magnificent thing was that he was smiling from ear to ear. I ran to him, hugged him and he held me, patting my back.
I woke up this morning happier than I have been in a long time.
Maybe the nightmares and bad memories of my past are a result of the state of the world. That’s okay. If it takes weeks of nightmares to conjure up a memory of me and Daddy embracing, then the nightmares are worth it.
Today I Am Thankful For:
- strappy sandals
- a new blouses
- finals week
- my new mop system (I know, it doesn’t take much to make me happy) 🙂
- new beginnings
